Re: Why can't men be honest?
Well, I can say that in my case of trying to be honest, no matter
how nice, careful, and sensitive I made an effort to be,
and I mean I put my heart, soul, and energy into being kind,
gentle, and nice, it would come back, then and later in a
completely bad light. I didn't become a liar, but I
sure learned not to talk much about anything that could
push a hot button. And it seemed like most anything that
could displease her was a hot button.
Men get beat up a lot about this, and maybe we deserve it 99
percent of the time, I don't know. But I've come
to the conclusion that in some cases the girlfriend, wife
doesn't ever react very calmly to anything but hearing
what they want to hear. Anyone put in that kind of situation,
not just a boyfriend or husband, but friends, business
associates, customers, you name it, will withdraw and
become less than candid.
Take the issue of sex. Men joke all the time about how that
start of a committment, especially marriage, is the end
of sex. Men are looked at badly for wanting sex. Well, men
tend to need sex to be happy. That's just the way we are.
But if our girfriend or wife just can't be bothered,
we're supposed to be men about it. In my last long term
relationship, I said that I needed and felt a desire for
sex, with or without love. I was trying to tell her my needs.
I wasn't being unhappy about it, I wasn't cheating
or lying to her, I was just trying to tell her the truth.
She told me I was disgusting. I learned to leave the subject
alone. Not because I wanted kinky sex, just any sex because
of a need for sex. I guess it's in our culture that men
are considered 'dirty' if the think about, need,
or want sex.
I would joke with her and say that 'You know, the first
commandment in the Bible was where God told Adam and Eve
to be fruitful and multiply.' She would just make a
face at that. That's just how she saw things. Wonderful
person, but after I made a committment to her, she stopped
wanting to have sex.
Of course she still needed everything she wanted from me.
Closeness, words and gestures affection and assurance,
comfort, a partner in life and in our goals and interests.
And to have birthdays remembered and events celebrated
and her relatives visited.
I think we're all trying to figure all of this out, women
and men together.
I don't think most men want to ever lie or cheat, not
of anyone I've known, except for some people, men and
women both, who are so twisted that no one should trust them.
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