Owning your jealousy
It has been my experience with several partners now that
awakened libidos and fantasies of life beyond traditional
borders do little to prepare one for the dynamics of swinging
or sharing or any sexual encounter beyond one on one. Even
when people see it coming and agree to it, the green-eyed
monster still loves to bite someone in the ass. My point
is this. You cannot stop those feelings. Perhaps they will
change to titillation eventually but in the beginnig,
you're going to feel jealousy. For many people that
mechanism goes something like, "If I feel discomfort
he or she must be guilty of something and therefor punishable"
Big mistake. If the agreed rules were not broken then it
is up to you to own your own jealous reaction and digest it.
No, I didn't say swallow it. Feel free to say something
like, "Jane I know I agreed to this and you haven't
done anything wrong but I want you to know that I do sense
jealousy and it stings a bit". That brings the dynamics
out in the open without rearranging the rules and gives
your partner the chance to offer reassurance. "Yes
Jim, I feel some pangs as well but I also feel excitement
and fullfillment. I'm a little nervous but also very
hot about it all." "Let's talk some more
and sort it all out."
Best wishes, Jim...
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