Are We Meant To Be Monogamous?
Are we meant to be monogamous? Is it human nature to stay
with only one person throughout our whole lives? Or is it
a moral construct that has been indoctrinated into our
society?
I asked myself these questions recently because an aquaintance
of mine was dumped by her boyfriend. She had his baby, but
after a month, he left her and found someone else. I have
also read many questions on fidelity and why people cheat
on each other. I thought I would look into the subject a little
deeper.
Looking back at our evolutionary ancestors, the apes,
I found one type that mimic human sexuality in many ways.
The Bonobo, a type of chimpanzee, have certain similarities.
For example, the bonobos will resolve conflicts with a
kiss after fighting to preserve peace and harmony. The
bonobos, as it turns out, have quite the libido.
When a caretaker came at feeding time (no pun intended),
the bonobos would be inviting each other for sex: males
would invite females, and females would invite males and
other females.
Sex, it turned out, is the key to the social life of the bonobo.
Since they didn't have cable, radios, or internet,
I imagine this was a great way to pass the time. I imagine
our ancestors long ago probably lived in much the same way.
Bonobos are also one of the few primates that will have sex
face to face, something originally thought to be a uniquely
human characteristic.
Bonobos become aroused very easily. One of three copulations
in the wild is done face to face. Furthermore, the frontal
orientation of the bonobo vulva and clitoris strongly
suggest that the female genitalia are adapted for this
position. They have no religious indoctrination that
tells them that "touching is sinful" and "wait
until marriage" and they seem to make the most of it.
Another similarity with humans is increased female sexual
receptivity. The tumescent phase of the female's
genitals, resulting in a pink swelling that signals willingness
to mate, covers a much longer part of estrus in bonobos than
in chimpanzees. Instead of a few days out of her cycle, the
female bonobo is almost continuously sexually attractive
and active.
The diversity of erotic contacts in bonobos includes sporadic
oral sex, massage of another individual's genitals
and intense tongue-kissing. They do not appear to be oversex.
This activity appears to be a completely natural part of
their group life. Like people, bonobos engage in sex only
occasionally, not continuously. While the bonobos do
engage in sex frequently, the average time of sexual intercourse
is only 13 seconds!
Bonobos seem to particularily horny at feeding time. There
is some rationale to this. In order to keep their "culture"
secure, sex is somewhat a distraction. In one case, a juvenille
male was blocking an older juvenille female from the food
box. She gnawed at his hand to get him to loosen his grip on
the branch. When he stood his ground (or held his branch),
she rubbed her vulva against his penis, thus calming him
down and letting her pass. The bonobos seem to do this kind
of thing to preserve their social structure.
The meal time thing gives a new meaning to inviting a lady
out to dinner. I can understand why many are wary now, especially
if we're as much like the bonobo as we seem to be. They
do have one advantage, neither one had to dress up for the
occassion.
So, what does this say about humankind? Are we meant to be
monogamous? Or are we meant to be more like the bonobo and
express ourselves more freely with sex?
There is a part of me that wishes that we could be more like
the bonobo. We'd have less violence and no wars.
Obviously there are some differences with us. For example,
humans have to be concerned with STD's and birth control
unlike the bonobos. Our societal demands on us are different
than they are on these happy chimps. To complicate things
even further, we're indoctrinated in various religious
doctrines that tell us that sex is wrong, the body is something
to be ashamed of, and that pleasure is a sin unless we're
procreating.
I can only conclude for myself. I believe that I'm a
serial monogamist. While I may have lovers while searching
for the one I want to spend most of my time with, I'm still
at heart a one-woman kind of guy. If I fall in love with a special
lady, there will be no infidelity. However, I realize that
people change, people grow, and relationships bud, bloom,
and wither much like a flower. Sometimes we outgrow the
garden we're put in together. The point is to take something
good out of every experience shared.
Ian Dark
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