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The Communication Barrier

This stuff might be able to help you understand the communication
barrier.

- Women's English --

Yes = No

No = Yes

Maybe = No

I'm sorry. = You'll be sorry.

We need = I want.

It's your decision = The correct decision should be
obvious by now.


Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.

We need to talk = I need to complain.

Sure...go ahead = I don't want you to.

I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!

You're ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a
lot.

You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you
ever think about?

Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs.

This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.

I want new curtains = and carpeting, furniture and wallpaper.....


Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!

I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.

Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.

How much do you love me? = I did something you're not
going to like.


I'll be ready in a minute = Sit down and find a good game
on TV.


Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.

You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with me.

Are you listening to me!? = Too late, you're dead.

Was that the baby? = Get out of bed and walk him until he's
asleep.

I'm not yelling! = I am yelling because I think this
is important.

The answer to "What's wrong?": The same
old thing =Nothing

Nothing = Everything

Everything = My PMS is acting up

Nothing really = It's just that you're such an
asshole.

-- Men's English --

I'm hungry. = I'm hungry.

I'm sleepy. = I'm sleepy.

I'm tired. ?= I'm tired.

Do you want to see a movie? = I'd eventually like to have
sex with you.


Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to
have sex with you.

Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have
sex with you.


May I have this dance? = I'd eventually like to have
sex with you.


Nice dress!= Nice cleavage!

You look tense, let me give you a massage. = I want to fondle
you.


What's wrong? = I don't see why you are making such
a big deal out of this.

What's wrong? = What meaningless self-inflicted
psychological trauma are you going through now?

What's wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question.

I'm bored. = Do you want to have sex?

I love you. = Let's have sex now.

I love you, too. = Okay, I said it...we'd better have
sex now!

Yes, I like your hair cut. = I liked it better before.

Yes, I like your hair cut. = $50 and it doesn't look that
much different!

Let's talk. = I am trying to impress you by showing that
I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex
with me.

Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have
sex with other guys.

(while shopping) I like that one better. = Pick any freakin'
dress and let's go home!

I don't think that blouse and that skirt go well together.
= I'm gay!