momentary versus stagnation who's to say
I sit here in my spare time wondering
I walk by and still don't know
Talking to you leaves me guessing
Your silence doesn't help me grow
My isolation has greatly increased
I used to feel so free
I admitted things to myself before
Now who knows, we'll see
Confusion doesn't come close
Depression doesn't cut it
I am lost inside myself
I just need a little bit
I am pulled in all directions
family is of course first
but when do my needs play
I think they will soon burst
Since I admitted my predicament
things have turned upside down.
In a way I am relieved,
but sometimes I think I will drown.
Is it so wrong to want it both ways?
Is it so wrong to dream
of another, what does it hurt?
If I don't, I soon will scream!
Each time I step forward
I am struck down yet again.
But everytime I move back
It crawls beneath my skin.
I am always so outgoing,
but in this I just don't know how.
Tried and true is broken,
so what does that leave me now?
Am I stupid, am I making it worse?
Should I just forget, and go back.
Back to the old humdrum existence.
I can't now it's to late that's a fact.
I must press forward, I need help for that.
I have never felt so dumb
inadequate or lonely, I have my husband
but noone can come
to feel what I feel, and know
what I know. It is all in my head
running circles all day.
Would I be better off dead?
Of course not, this I know
But the disappoint rocks me
to my very core. How to gett
past it I just cannot see.
Life will deal me a deck
of cards. If I play them straight
life would be a breeze.
But that life I would hate.
If I play them crooked and follow
my desires, at least there'd be
those momentary joys, they don't last.
My predicament do you now see?
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